"Can't step in my way
head first in your love and dismay
It's like beating the dead
I can't stop going out of my head
whatever this could be I'd never know,
I never said it'd be the end all to be all

I hate you today,
I can't find a way,
don't drag me down now,

[Chorus:]
Goodbye, I've had enough frustration
I won't get stuck
Goodbye, this dead end situation,
it's just not worth my time

It's no better today,
I never thought it would end up this way,
you've got something to say?
don't wanna hear it if it gets in my way
All this confusion, wondering, so overwhelmed,
All this illusion seems so clear,
Can't find conclusion disappointing evolution
not all things aren't what they appear

So what's the point of this hell?
I know you too well we're running backwards,

[Chorus]

But waiting so frustrating, I'm so sick of
All this tension not to mention, I'm so sick of
Can't take it, you won't make it, just save yourself this trouble
(everything's alright)
Get down and pray for yourself 'cause I'm just fine
(everything's alright)

[Guitar Solo]

You speak for all of us when you can't be heard
(I can't help you anymore than)

I'll bet you haven't listened to not one word
(I have helped myself before)

You speak for all of us when you can't be heard
(I can't help you anymore than)
(So sick of, feel so sick of, so sick of, feel so sick of)

I'll bet you haven't listened to not one word
(I have helped myself before)
(So sick of, feel so sick of, so sick of, feel so sick of)

[Chorus]

But waiting so frustrating, I'm so sick of,
All this tension not to mention, I'm so sick of, sick of you!"

TODAY
Spent a little too much time getting ready this morning.
Actually made it earlier than any other Monday.
Haha.
Got to chill in my new study hall with my old Biology teacher.
She's very nice to me.
Cos I'm a "bright" student.

I went through the day normally.
This girl that goes to our school keeps batting her eyes at me.
She's the one who fed me grapes on the day I took the X.
Haha. She's cute.
I passed her and she looked me up and down all provocative like.
What's that supposed to mean??
lol.
Just kidding.
yeaaaahboyyyyy.

Adam CADD
My nigga for life


He randomly comes up to me at lunch
"Wanna skip the last periods and go smoke a J, get high at my crib?"
I'm high right now so I'm not too sure if that was EXACTLY what he said.
But ask him,
I'm close bitches.

MY FIRST TIME SKIPPING IN A LONG ASS TIME.
But I had to do it.
I'd been wanting to chill with Adam for a long ass time
We been DOWN for some shit and we need to chill more.
We always have a ball together
we be geeking like fucking geeks.

we didn't even have to walk to his house.
a random car pulls up on us.
we look in and it's BIGRACHEL!
DRIVING!
yo.
do you have any idea how SLOW it made me feel.
To know she was driving, not just driving, but DRIVING!
We hopped in and she gave us a ride to Adam's.
BLASTEDSOMEPAULWALL.
He's the shit.
But not the best.

Best White Rappers
E M I N E M
Lil Wyte
Alchemist
Atmosphere
Mike Shinoda
John Cena
Paul Wall
Lead singer of Otep

HAHA.
Yes. 
Great caucasian lyricists.

We went into his house and immediately went through the back to CHEEF.
I think Adam had planned us hanging out before I knew about it.
It was all good.
Cos we came into his crib and he already had a joint rolled and all.
thats whatsup.
i guess i DO have SOME real friends.

Thank God.

He hooked me up with munchies too.
But the best thing that happened all day
ALL FUCKING DAY WAS ME AND ADAMS
POTHEAD RITUAL
<3

You just had to be there for it. 
It was fucking GREAT.
We were fucking ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLING.

We went back into his crib.
He had some DANECOOK.
Adam's got the hookup.
Cos I was high as gas.
That was some bum CHRON.
i was geeking out hard, i mean, like more than normal.
i think i need to holler at my boy adam when in need to herbage next time.
lol.

I still needed to get some ganja from E.
We had skipped so we had to walk back to the school.
COPSWEREEVERYWHERE.
bythewayiflowedlikethewholetimewewerewalking
LMFAO
I mean about everything
different subjects RAPPED ABOUT IT
different people RAPPED ABOUT THEM
different random shit RAPPED ABOUT THAT TOO
i was just so high. TOO HIGH.

lol.

I waited on the corner and Daniel and Eric showed up soon enough.
Daniel was roughed up and all pissed off.
The cops had thrown him down because they figured he was skipping.
WTF.
I walked right pass a group of cop cars with my bookbag on and everything.
Odd.


I mean can't a nigga do what he gotta do without being harassed by bacon?

We all went to E's house and everybody chilled there for a minute.
Then people started leaving the scene because of the so many cops lurking about the Springs.
I got my treefa and dipped.

I got home and I've been bullshitting around ever since.

Today was alright thanks to Adam.
Thanks Adam.
He's the MANOFTHEDAY.

I'm thinking of letting the relationship go, no I think I'm more than positive.
This seems like a one night 2 night three night stand.
Or something.
We both got what we wanted out of it now it seems boring.
It seems like she's not as about it as I thought she was.
She didn't really think twice about my emotions.
Didn't think twice about my past.
And didn't think twice about how everything SHE does affects me.

If you're really my girlfriend, you've got to actually feel me.
She doesn't feel me.
She doesn't attempt to do anything.
She isn't about the whole commitment, understanding other peoples feelings THING.
I'm looking for someone I can learn from.
I'm looking for someone I can love for loving me.
I knew it was bullshit when we FIRST started going out as soon as we started talking again.
That doesn't make sense.
No weeks to get to know each other.
No time.
No ability to.
Her stepdad's a dick.
Her dad's a dick.
Her boyfriend's the 3rd stooge.
I'm not for that.

I'm sick of being lonely.
But I'm just as sick of being lonely when I'm not even alone.
Literally.

So. 
Goodbye that.

Hello to possibilities.
hello suicide
hello razor
hello pill
hello
death
[end]

"Early in the morning, risin' to the street
Light me up that cigarette and I strap shoes on my feet
Got to find a reason, a reason things went wrong
Got to find a reason why my money's all gone
I got a dalmation, and I can still get high
I can play the guitar like a mother fucking riot

Well, life is (too short), so love the one you got
'Cause you might get runover or you might get shot
Never start no static I just get it off my chest
Never had to battle with no bulletproof vest
Take a small example, take a tip from me
Take all of your money, give it all to charity
Love is what I got
It's within my reach
And the Sublime style's still straight from Long Beach
It all comes back to you, you'll finally get what you deserve
Try and test that you're bound to get served
Love's what I got
Don't start a riot
You'll feel it when the dance gets hot

Lovin', is what I got, I said remember that
Lovin', is what I got, I said remember that
Lovin', is what I got, I said remember that
Lovin', is what I got

(That's) why I don't cry when my dog runs away
I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay
I don't get angry when my Mom smokes pot
Hits the bottle and goes right to the rock
Fuckin' and fightin', it's all the same
Livin' with Louie dog's the only way to stay sane
Let the lovin', let the lovin' come back to me

Lovin', is what I got, I said remember that
Lovin', is what I got, I said remember that
Lovin', is what I got, I said remember that
Lovin', is what I got, I got I got I got"

This PAST weekend sparked a new chapter in my life. A chapter that puts me in the front seat, the drivers side to be exact. I'm driving to where I want to go. Leaving an area, and entering paradise. 

My Own Paradise
I'm still left with scars. I'm still left with mistakes of the past. But like I knew I would, I found a way out.

I've been spending much of my time at Nicky's, trying to drown my sorrows. Whether it be through alcohol or drugs, I've tried.
 VALIUMVALIUMVALIUM. 
I have realized that life is not going to automatically serve you. You have to do what you gotta do to make sure everything works out the way you invision it.

All of the people in your life who don't care? 
GET RID OF THEM.
 It's one thing to care about them, and show your love, but it's a whole nother thing to be treated like you haven't done anything.
 I did my part. 
Time for them to miss me. <3

Vanessa Silva. 
My beautiful NEW girlfriend. I love how we both have the same first 3 letters of our first name. <3 She's awesome. I can talk to her forever. Our memories, our intimacy, our everything makes me happy. 
I'm so spoiled. It takes a lot to satisfy me, I admit. I have to be comfortable, I have to be a-okay. I'm a-okay with MY baby. Guys fucked up their chance, and girls fucked up their chance with us. 
It's best to say that we deserve each other. <3

Vanessa has faced a lot recently.
 Her grandmother's passing, her ex-boyfriend's..uh..let's just say, it hasn't been paradise.

Paradise
 is golden. 
I see it over the fences. 
I see it like Dorothy saw Emerald City. 
I feel the love growing. 
It's intense.
 I've dreamed nothing but dreams lately of satisfaction. 
+ Having Vanessa in my arms. 
+ Producing new music, and collaborating with all of these new cats from school. 
+ Getting a good job and preparing to move out.
 + Finishing school.

It's NOT far away.

I believe in myself, and I believe in my strength. 
The power I hold within my fragile soul is enough. 
It's enough to live off of. It's enough to continue and withstand the bullshit, and look for a brighter day. 
It's just enough.

My Life Looks Alright Right Now, Currently. <3
Stable. 
I'm actually innocent for once. 
People are on my side about things. 
My grandmother isn't that huge of a bitch. 
WOW. aint that SHOCKING.

I'm beefin' with my mom now.
A few nights ago she got in my face. 
Then I overheard afterwards her talking MADSHIT about me to her friend downstairs. 
FUCKthat. 
I'm not gonna tolerate my mom talking SOGOODABOUTMEONEDAY and then the next day I'm the most horrible son ever. 
And I'm her only son. 
FUCKthat.
I'm not letting that bring me down.
 I've got drugs for that. <3

HEALTHWISE
I haven't gotten word about the procedure.
My heart is still bothersome as hell.
I don't know if I'm coming or going.
I don't care.
I wanna die. <3

SchoolWISE
No more Spanish. [No more having to walk out of class and see Brittany]
MORE study halls. <3<
EASY classes; Physics, Marketing, Government, Office Administration. [basically every one of them; aint that GREAT?]
Class I'm staggering yet trying in; English

-:  Words of Advice :-

Do what you gotta do to survive. Live your life. Treat people the way you would like to be treated. GETEVEN. Show No Mercy. Make em beg. Show love to your boyfriend/girlfriend constantly. Do right. Admit the truth. Don't lie. Don't waste your time. Keep your head up. Learn from your mistakes. Stay healthy. Forgive and Forget, when you know they deserve it. Kill your past; erase it. Follow your dreams. Follow your heart. Stay close with your peeps. 

Don't bite the hand that feeds you.


END.

[immunity]